The Gratitude Attitude
Charedi achdus in the war (even if they don't appreciate it!)
I am married, living in Lakewood, and a student at the prestigious institution, BMG. I feel incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to center my life around Torah study.
However, because this lifestyle is common among our community, I often forget just how unique and special it is. The reality is, to maintain this lifestyle, my wife makes tremendous sacrifices.
Every day, she manages the responsibilities of caring for our three children while also working a demanding job. Her day begins early, looking after our children until I return from Shacharis. Then, she rushes off to work, leaving us with little time to talk beyond exchanging pleasantries and coordinating the children's activities.
She returns home around 3:30, just as I head off to second seder, leaving her alone with the kids until I return at 7:35. I help with bedtime for our oldest before she prepares a fully cooked supper, and we finally sit down to eat - her first chance to relax and unwind since her day began at 7 am. We take this time to connect and discuss important matters.
After I leave for night seder at 8:50, she tackles household chores, such as cleaning, laundry, and other essential tasks like planning for the future, babysitting for next year, camps and so on. This routine leaves her with little time to relax alone.
This arrangement is far from natural. My wife effectively works two full-time jobs without a break.
When I catch myself taking this lifestyle for granted because it's the norm, I quickly remind myself of the extraordinary life we've chosen. Just because “everyone” lives this way does not mean it should be taken for granted. The responsibility to provide and care for the family traditionally falls on the man, but in order for me to learn, my wife has taken on this role.
Maintaining an attitude of gratitude makes me more emotionally and physically available. If my wife needs something, I am quick to help—it's the least I can do! If I come home "expecting" things a certain way and the atmosphere is less calm than I’d want after a long day, instead I get to think about how much of an idiot I am for entertaining such a selfish thought! She works so hard, I better appreciate all of it!
I say this to bring out a point: the opportunity to learn in kollel is a complete privilege and certainly not a right, something we are entitled to. Even with my wife, who loves and supports me in my mission, I must never overlook the sacrifices she makes to enable me this unique opportunity to learn all day. (Anyone who takes his wife for granted should reconsider his mission and perhaps figure out if his place is truly in the BM...)
In Israel, we have partners who are partners in our mission more out of necessity (due to democracy) than personal agreement. They bear an extra burden that they did not personally sign up for and often feel unhappy about it.
Now, as mentioned time and time again on this blog, this does NOT mean we should stop doing what we do. Whether they realize it or not, our Torah is needed to keep them safe. If anything, we need to strengthen our Torah learning, both in quality and quantity.
However, at the same time, we must be very careful not to take our position for granted. It is imperative that we express our endless appreciation, perhaps by sending personal letters of thanks and gratitude to our fellow soldiers for the immeasurable sacrifice in keeping us and our country safe. They are literally putting their lives on the line, undertaking roles that we are equally responsible for, and we must not disregard their plight as if we are entitled to our positions. If I may be so bold, I would suggest that those living in Israel take a day off to visit soldiers, particularly the wounded or those in combat, and personally thank them for their service. You can bring a gift, or even just a bunch of hugs.
This will not be enough for our haters - nothing will be. But it is still something. Both from their perspective and from ours.
May we see a speedy גאולה וישועה for our special soldiers.
Thank you for your service.
Jerry
Some links:
https://israelheart2heart.org/send-a-letter/
 | A guest post by
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I very much appreciate this as someone who did serve in the army. I don't agree with the haredi ideology obviously but I am also disgusted by the hatred toward haredim by supposedly religious zionists.
We believe that going to the army is part of the Torah. Therefore, haredim who don't go to the army are not completely fulfilling the Torah. But the secular aren't fulfilling the Torah at all! Without the Torah, we have no claim to the land of Israel! Without Torah, we have no protection at all. Rav Teichtal explains this all at length. Rather than complaining about how haredim don't fulfill their fair share of army service, we should discuss about how the secular, the majority of the country, are far behind on their Torah observance, which is our true source of protection.
Unfortunately, there are many powerful Slifkinesque parties in the media whose goal it is to stir up resentment, which is blown up out of all proportion. Any chareidi who comes into contact with Israel chilonim knows the line "if all the charedim were like you......" - their idea of a chareidi is how the media (and Slifkiin) portrays them and they get a shock when they meet the real macoy.
I am, and have been for many years, in daily contact with chilonim who do know chareidim - and they all without exception treat me with great respect and affection. And even while they don't understand why chareidim don't serve in the army, they realise it is for ideological reasons (which they disagree with!) - but not for all the nasty, selfish reasons that Slifkin and his ilk portrary