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Binyamin Zev Wolf's avatar

As someone who grew up in a yeshivish community and has since lost my faith, I find your complete lack of empathy and understanding to be incredibly hurtful.

The notion that those of us who have departed from religious Judaism have "no right" to do so is simply untenable. You act as if we are bound by some unbreakable covenant, when the reality is that I and many others have come to the sincere conclusion that the Torah is not divinely revealed truth. This was not some hasty decision made after "5 seconds on Wikipedia." It came after years of deep questioning, study, and grappling with the challenges to traditional beliefs. I engaged extensively with rabbis, both yeshivish and modern orthodox, and even spoke with Orhodox Bible scholars and philosophers, and ultimately found the arguments for Orthodox Judaism unconvincing.

Yet you dismiss our journeys as mere "fooling ourselves" and the product of being "sheltered children." What an insult to the intellectual honesty and integrity of those like myself who have struggled mightily with these issues. You really have the audacity to compare our sincere doubts to the delusions of the mentally ill? You missed your calling as a mesivta mashgiach ruchani where these fiery shmuessin would find an appropriate audience of naive bochurim.

The fact that you view any questioning or dissent as illegitimate rather than an opportunity for serious engagement is deeply problematic. If the yeshivish world wants to stem the tide of those departing the faith, it would do well to approach this issue with more humility, nuance and intellectual honesty.

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Exit98's avatar

I’ve read your article. Honestly, I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. It’s layered with certainty, dripping with authority, but it misses something fundamental: understanding. Not of the Torah, the Bris, or even the community, but of the people. The ones you dismiss as “dolt[s] with a laptop.” The ones you think have no right to walk away.

Let’s talk about the emperor’s new clothes. Everyone praises the invisible clothes because they’ve been told only fools can’t see them. Then one child dares to speak the truth: the emperor is naked.

That’s what it felt like for me. Growing up, I believed. I really did. I saw the emperor’s clothes, admired their beauty, praised their craftsmanship. Until one day, I didn’t. I looked closer, and what had seemed glorious unraveled in my hand. It wasn’t rebellion. It wasn’t laziness or naivety. It was honesty.

Now imagine being told, that despite seeing the truth, you are required to continue bowing to the emperor. To pretend. To say the words. Perform the rituals. Wear the mask. Why? Because it’s tradition? Because I stood under a chuppah I no longer believe was real?

You call this marriage. But what is a marriage without reciprocity, without presence? If I’m the only one showing up, it isn’t a relationship - it’s theater. Staying in a marriage like that doesn’t make you loyal; it makes you dishonest. And dishonesty isn’t holiness.

You talk about gaslighting. You claim we do it to you, dismissing your answers out of hand. But what do you call telling someone their questions don’t exist? That their doubts are just a sickness? That they’ve been seduced by “a quick survey of Wikipedia” and secular academics? You invalidate the journey, then act surprised when people walk away.

Doubt isn’t a sickness. It’s a symptom of caring deeply enough to ask hard questions. And yes, the answers matter. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t bother searching for them.

You write, “[They] have no right to abandon the Torah.” No right? Respectfully, you don’t get to decide that. Choice is fundamental to being human, even according to the Torah (וּבָחַרְתָּ בַּחַיִּים / הכל בידי שמים חוץ מיראת שמים / רשות לכל אדם נתונה) Free will is the foundation of everything. To deny someone the right to choose differently isn’t Torah - it’s tyranny.

You claim we left because we were naive and sheltered. But what about the people who weren’t naive? The ones who knew shas cold, who got smicha, who spent a decade in kollel, and still walked away? Do they fit neatly into your narrative? Or is it easier to dismiss them as broken too?

You say we deserve patience and love but no respect. That’s not how empathy works. Empathy isn’t about tolerating someone’s pain while holding onto disdain. It’s about stepping into their shoes, even if you disagree with where they walked. You don’t have to respect my conclusions to respect me as a person. But if you can’t even do that, what are we talking about?

My blog wasn’t written to tear down your world. It’s a lifeline for people like me - people trying to navigate the tension between two worlds. People who love their families and communities but can no longer make themselves believe. It’s a space to be seen, without judgment, without masks.

You say there’s no solution for nonbelievers except teshuva. Maybe. But teshuva starts with truth. And for us, the truth begins with admitting the emperor is naked. To deny that would be the real betrayal - not of you, not of the Torah, but of ourselves.

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